Wolf
by ViciousQuestionMark
Summary: Short oneshot. Remus’s POV on his life so far. RLSB


**Title: **Wolf

**Author: **Vicious Question Mark

**Summary:** Short one-shot. Remus's POV on his life so far. (RL/SB)

**Rating**: PG for brief (and sort of fluffy) slash

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Harry Potter or any related characters/insignia. They are, most unfortunately, the property of J.K. Rowling and/or Warner Bros.

Wolf 

Tonight is the full moon.

It's making everyone crazy. Even the Muggles notice. It affects everybody, but mostly the mentally ill and the animals. Especially the animals. Wild an8imals, household pets, dogs, cats…it brings out their savage instincts. The need to hunt, the need to kill. I am one of those animals.

Tonight is the full moon.

My name is Remus Lupin, and I am a werewolf. How ironic that my first name is that of one of the fabled Roman twins, Romulus and Remus, that were raised by a she-wolf, and that my last name is that of a plant which blooms under the full moon. Apparently someone had decided my fate long before I was born. The only luck that I've had in my life is that I will not meet the fate of my namesake, who was killed by his brother. I am an only child.

Tonight is the full moon.

I got the bite when I was five. We lived near the woods, my mother and father and I, and one day, as I played outside, I saw something moving in the trees. My mother, doing something inside the house, came running when she heard my screams. A wolf, a large male, had come out of the trees, and was heading straight for me. I stood there, paralyzed by fear, as my mother shouted for me to run, waving her arms. The wolf sprang, and my mother watched helplessly as the monster sank it's teeth into my arm. In my five years of life, never had I known such excruciating pain as this. The last thing I saw before slipping into unconsciousness was my mother attempting to drive the beast into woods. The wolf, it's work finished, went willingly.

Tonight is the full moon.

My parents didn't know what to do. They called in the best wizarding doctors, even an old witch-doctor, but none of the could help me. There are potions now that perhaps could have helped me, but they did not exist then. There remains no cure for lycanthropy, and I've given up hoping that they'll find one.

When I was eleven, my parents had to get me into school. They begged Professor Dumbledore to let me attend Hogwarts. Any other Headmaster would have denied them because of my condition, but Dumbledore was sympathetic. He allowed me to attend school, but only after taking as many precautions as possible. He set up a place for me to during the full moon, the times when I transformed, arranged for my teachers to be notified, everything. For once, I would get to be normal.

Tonight is the full moon.

I was afraid to go to school, afraid to be around all those people. Afraid that they would look at me and know my secret. I was afraid to make friends, afraid that, if I got to know people, they would figure out my secret and hate me for it. I vowed that, in order to keep both myself and those around me safe, I would keep to myself, do my work, and never let anyone in. One boy changed that. I was attracted to him from the first moment I saw him. Of course, being only eleven, I'd had no idea that I was gay, but something about him drew us together instinctively. I was shy, quiet, rather plain and mousy looking, and modest. I enjoyed school immensely. Sirius Black was loud, handsome, flashy, and loved to be the center of attention. He had a certain disregard for school and rules that I found exciting. We were best friends immediately. He introduced me to his other friends, two boys named James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. James was a lot like Sirius – Handsome, mischievous, but also rather arrogant, a quality that Sirius, thankfully, lacked. Peter, on the other hand, was short, fat, whiny, and a tag-along. James and Sirius teased him constantly, but he still followed him everywhere. He was awed by them, and I think that's why they kept him around. We were all four of us very close as friends, but Sirius and I were the closest.

Tonight is the full moon.

It didn't take long for my friends to figure out my secret. I disappeared for a week every month, like clock work. I used all kinds of excuses. My mother was sick, my aunt Jo died, I wasn't feeling well, ridiculous things that Sirius and James saw right through. They started keeping track of exactly when I was ill, and from there were quick to figure it out. They confronted me about it, and I panicked. I was convinced that I was about to lose the only friends I'd ever had. But they surprised me. I should have given them more credit, really, I knew that they weren't like that. No, far from abandoning me, they devoted all their free time (all three of them, even Peter, who I could have lived without) to becoming Animagi, wizards who can transform into animals at will, so that they could keep me company during my own transformations. I had never been so happy.

Tonight is the full moon.

I realized that I was gay at the age of fifteen. I didn't tell anyone, but Sirius figured it out. He knew me too well. He supported me, and I loved him for it. I wanted desperately to tell him how I felt, but I was positive that he was completely and utterly straight. I couldn't have been more wrong. It was the beginning of our seventh and final year at Hogwarts. James was on a date with a girl named Lily Evans, Peter was sulking somewhere, and Sirius and I were walking slowly around the lake. We had stopped to admire the moonlight reflecting on the water, when Sirius said that he needed to tell me something. When I asked him what it was, he leaned down and kissed me. Nothing I had ever tasted was as sweet as Sirius' lips on mine. That was to be the first of many kisses, and so much more. Many times, Sirius would skip school to stay with me during my time as a wolf, despite my protests. It annoyed the teachers to no end, but he always had his work turned in, so they could do nothing. Often at night, I would sneak out of my bed after James and Peter were asleep, crawling under the covers with Sirius, content just to be close to him, to feel his soft touch on my tired body.

Sirius always knows what I'm thinking, knows exactly what I need. He is always there for me, he will never leave me. Tonight is the full moon, but Sirius will be there to help me through it, to hold me up, to be my strength, to love me and be loved by me. Tonight is the full moon, and I am no longer alone.


End file.
